


Anything You Can Do

by BeautifulMessOfMe



Category: The Magnificent Seven (2016)
Genre: Arguing, Cooking Shows, M/M, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 19:18:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10577817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeautifulMessOfMe/pseuds/BeautifulMessOfMe
Summary: Vas and Joshua have a little disagreement about how to properly prepare scallops, which then turns into a battle to see who's the better cook





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is coming from me watching too many cooking shows lately XD

Josh grinned at the sound of the front door opening and shutting again. "I swear officer! I'm done with the hard stuff! I'm just cooking dinner for my amazingly sexy husband..."

He felt a warm pair of lips on his neck shortly after. 

"I'm afraid I may have to search you for contraband, sir." Vas whispered in his ear, his hand snaking downward to squeeze at a firm ass cheek. 

"Hey now, slow down there law dog." Josh shrugged him off. "You'll make me burn your dinner." 

"Hmm." Vas hummed, receiving the soft little kiss on the mouth that Josh offered before he turned his attention back to the stove. Vas kept a hold around his husband's waist as he cooked.

"How was work?" Josh asked.

"Not nearly as busy as it was yesterday, thank God." Vas replied, resting his head on Josh's shoulder. "What're you making?"

"A little seafood medley for my love." Josh smiled at him, flipping the scallops he was currently frying. "I went down to the pier today. Got nice fresh shrimp, scallops, and squid." 

"That the calamari?" Vas asked with a yawn as he watched Josh cook over his shoulder. "I think you cut it a little thick, Guero."

"For your information, oh master chef, these are scallops and I cut them like a damn professional." Josh replied smugly.

Vas made a face. "You don't fry scallops." He told Josh.

Said red head turned to look at him with an irritated frown. "Excuse me?" He asked.

"You can't cook them like that, Guero." Vas continued, letting go of Josh's hips. "Look." He pointed. "They're gonna be all greased up and fatty now." 

"Your point?" Josh asked.

"I don't wanna put a greasy lard ball into my mouth or my stomach. You know I'm on a diet!" Vas argued, hands now on his hips.

"Well excuse me for trying to make your whiny ass dinner!" Josh fired back. "If you want them cooked different maybe you should do it yourself!"

"Guero don't...." Vas sighed, trying to stop Josh before he removed his apron and shoved it at Vas, then slamming his spatula down on the counter by the stove and storming out of the kitchen.

Vas sighed and proceeded to finish the meal on his own.

.......

"This is stupid." Vas rolled his eyes, his arms crossed over his chest. 

"No. It's necessary." Josh countered, setting out all of their supplies on the kitchen counter. 

"You could just apologize and admit you can't fry scallops you know." Vas grinned hopefully at him.

Josh chuckled and shook his head. "Yeah. You wish, buddy. Get an apron on. They'll be here any minute." He told his husband, tossing him a pink apron that read 'Kiss the Cook' across the chest in rhinestones. 

"Where did this come from?" Vasquez asked, glaring at Josh.

"It was my grandma's." Josh but his lip, trying not to laugh.

"You went out and bought this didn't you!?" Vas growled.

The doorbell rang, interrupting their little spat and possibly saving Josh's life at that point. 

"Hey guys. Come on in." Joshua greeted the rest of their little gang at the door. 

They didn't tell them of their plan until everyone had socialized a bit and had a few glasses of wine. In Josh's experience, It was always better to confess whatever you'd been hiding after the alcohol was served. 

"You invited us here under false pretenses." Goodnight accused.

"Hey, look at it this way. You guys get a free three course meal plus alcohol and all ya gotta do is sit there and tell us which plate you like better." Josh tried to convince them all.

"May I ask why you're doing this?" Emma spoke up. "You know it's just gonna cause hurt feelings." 

"Don't be a party pooper." Josh told her. "This is gonna be fun."

Red shrugged, taking another sip of wine from his glass. 

"See? Red's in!" Josh nodded toward their Comanche friend. 

"Hey, free wine. Free food. I'm happy." Red replied with a smile. 

"Well I suppose so long as neither of you poisons anyone it could be fun." Jack finally gave in.

"There, now see? This is gonna be a party. Now you all stay there and we'll bring the food to you." Josh smiled his signature goofy smile.

The others weren't very optimistic at first but the first dish wasn't that bad. The boys started them off with shrimp based appetizers. Josh brought out a shrimp cocktail while Vas made shrimp tempura, which Billy was quite fond of.

"Billy that really hurts." Josh whined.

"All you did was clean a few shrimp and place them around a glass filled with cocktail sauce." Billy firmly reminded him, defending his position on the matter.

"Billy's worth more points." Vas declared. "Him being a professional chef and all." 

"Bull!" Josh growled.

"Boys, just get on with the next course without fighting again please." Sam sighed, rubbing his temples. These children really stressed him out at times. Especially these particular two. 

There were several complains about dessert being served after the appetizer, but of course Josh wouldn't let the main course come till last. He claimed it was the grand finale.

"You can't just serve dessert before the main course." Emma told their two wannabe chefs. 

"She's right." Teddy agreed. "It throws everything out of whack."

"Teddy your brain is outta whack." Josh snorted. "Everyone just be quiet and taste the damn desserts."

Vas's ended up being the favorite. Cheesecake with raspberries and white chocolate would be a favorite of any sane person, though.

"You all are startin' to piss me off." Josh muttered after the judges had given their ruling.

"You're just a sore loser." Vas beamed. 

"Who doesn't like churros!?" Josh demanded.

"Josh it's not that we didn't like them." Goody tried to explain. "It's that they had street fair written all over them. Not upper middle class dinner party."

Vas had a smug grin on his face and Josh shot him a glare. 

By now he was so discouraged that he didn't even want to bring out the main course.

They did though, of course, and once again Vasquez's seared scallops triumphed over Josh's fried ones.

"Why!?" He demanded the others as they finished up their meals.

"Joshua, dear." Goody started. "Everything you've given us has been dipped in fat and fried twice over." 

"So what? That's what Americans eat!" Josh argued.

"Not all." Emma spoke up. "Some people prefer a healthier, less grease filled meal."

"Plus, too much fry batter cancels out all the natural flavors." Billy added. "If you're gonna fry something at least be sure you can still taste whatever it is."

Josh was defeated and forced to apologize to his husband for the night before.

Vas was forgiving, but also a little bit of a braggart. He wouldn't let it drop that he'd won. Not until that night anyway before they went to bed.

Josh was sitting up in bed flipping through channels when Vas got out of the shower. 

"What're we watching tonight, Guero?" He asked, still drying his hair with a towel. 

"Don't know." Josh shrugged. "There's nothin' good on."

Vas climbed into bed next to him, taking his husband into his arms and kissing down his neck tenderly.

"I'm sorry I was so smug about winning tonight." He told him.

Josh shrugged again. "Guess some people just can't appreciate a nice all American meal." He sighed.

Vas chuckled. "Why don't I make it up to you and we can go out to eat tomorrow?" He suggested.

"Only if it's Olive Garden." Josh insisted.

"Done." Vas agreed, resting his chin on Josh's shoulder as the other man flipped through more channels before finally landing on 'Cupcake Wars'.

"This show always puts me in the mood to make cupcakes." Vas told his husband.

"Just be glad we didn't have a cupcake contest." Josh told him.

"Hm? Whys that?" Vas asked him.

"Duh. My cupcakes would dominate yours." Josh stated with confidence.

Vas gave a snort.

"Want me to prove it?" Josh challenged.

"Why don't we just make a midnight run to the bakery downtown instead?" Vas suggested.

"Hell, I'm game." Josh replied, swinging out of bed and going to grab his shoes.

Vas followed him out of the bedroom, grabbing the car keys and giving Josh's ass a little tap.


End file.
